The night I didn't take my camera
I stepped out of my house tonight and into 180 degrees of the most magnificent skies I have ever seen. A photographer's wet dream come true (pardon the pun). Long clouds running north-south, pink and salmon, and to the west above the mountains, oranges and tangerine. The mountains themselves lavender and lilac. And all of it indescribable awe inspiring. Half an hour of slow fireworks that could almost make U forget that halfway around the world idiots are killing children and each other. Almost.
But, as I say, I had left my camera at home (I don't regret this) planning to go to a bar without the awkwardness and inconvenience of a tripod. In the end I didn't go into the bar. My excuse was that there weren't enough people inside, but I know that had there been more people that I would have used that as my excuse. I've come to the full realisation that I've built some pretty big walls around myself. I managed to pull a few down while I was at college, but they seem to be back up again.
We build walls to keep from getting hurt by other people, and all too often when we do try to let someone in, we're so scared that we screw things up and wind up getting hurt anyway. The last girl I fell in love with, broke my heart a little over a year ago. I had known her almost two years and had spent most of that time slowly falling in love with her. I was never able to tell her that. I tried a few times, but the perfect moment never comes, life always interrupts in the guise of a friend or having to be up early the next morning or some other damned thing that awkwardly rushes that perfect enough moment right past U. I had my walls and everything got weird because of them.
The last time I tried to talk to her, she told me to fuck off with as polite a language as fuck off can ever be fitted into. She didn't know she was breaking my heart, which, really, only makes things that much worse. The walls went back up, and I haven't seen he since. As strange as it is though, I still love her, but it's time for the walls to come down. Permanently.
Does anyone have a crowbar? This might take a bit.
But, as I say, I had left my camera at home (I don't regret this) planning to go to a bar without the awkwardness and inconvenience of a tripod. In the end I didn't go into the bar. My excuse was that there weren't enough people inside, but I know that had there been more people that I would have used that as my excuse. I've come to the full realisation that I've built some pretty big walls around myself. I managed to pull a few down while I was at college, but they seem to be back up again.
We build walls to keep from getting hurt by other people, and all too often when we do try to let someone in, we're so scared that we screw things up and wind up getting hurt anyway. The last girl I fell in love with, broke my heart a little over a year ago. I had known her almost two years and had spent most of that time slowly falling in love with her. I was never able to tell her that. I tried a few times, but the perfect moment never comes, life always interrupts in the guise of a friend or having to be up early the next morning or some other damned thing that awkwardly rushes that perfect enough moment right past U. I had my walls and everything got weird because of them.
The last time I tried to talk to her, she told me to fuck off with as polite a language as fuck off can ever be fitted into. She didn't know she was breaking my heart, which, really, only makes things that much worse. The walls went back up, and I haven't seen he since. As strange as it is though, I still love her, but it's time for the walls to come down. Permanently.
Does anyone have a crowbar? This might take a bit.
posted by ARConn at 10:41 p.m.
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